Cancer suddenly entered my life at age 41. While taking a shower in November 2014, I discovered a lump in my left breast. From that moment, my life changed forever.
Chemotherapy, ablation, reconstruction of the left breast and radiation therapy. The Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation was involved in my life from the very beginning: psychosocial support, Club jasette and other support groups. I realized I wasn’t the only one living with this challenge. I got my life back on track in November 2016, returning to my work as a nurse amid the hope of remission.
“Then my life took an unexpected turn”
But in December 2018, after suffering back pain, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer with bone metastases. Since then, I have been undergoing palliative chemotherapy for the rest of my life and, by the same token, have had a weakened immune system. I had to stop working as a nurse at age 45.
It was a huge period of grieving for me. But now the time has come to take care of me; I must listen to myself, respect myself and, above all, set my limits. My loved ones are living with cancer through my experience, but they are not putting off their dreams or desires.
The impact of the cancer diagnosis on my life was frightening; but when it came back, it was terrifying. Dying was my greatest fear. But now I have learned to live with the possibility of dying of cancer and I am very accepting of it. The cancer is in a little locked box in my head. Cancer: that’s just my life now.
“Confidence in the future… my future.”
Today, I have decided to accept my situation and live with cancer because it is part of me. It’s because of cancer that I have become who I am today. I still hope to survive cancer. My partner, my family, my friends and the Foundation are helping me to move forward by giving me this hope.
I enjoy life every day and accept my situation. My future is not what I thought it would be; it’s different, but ,my god, how I savour this life!
I admire life. The simplest activity makes me elated with satisfaction and happiness. I’m proud of myself. I feel strong and I don’t feel sorry for myself in the slightest. People who don’t know me are completely unaware of my cancer experience. Since I was first diagnosed, I have remained physically active, including hiking, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing, and, above all, mentally active. When necessary, I see a psychologist, because for me, my spiritual health allows me to move forward and continue to hope. All is well if my soul is well.
I really believe in science, medicine and research. Thanks to the money raised by the Foundation, I hope to live longer. My fear–which is still present–is that I will die before my mother, whom I help a lot, and that I won’t be there for her. So I’m hoping to survive for her. I’m also hoping that the oral chemotherapy I have been taking since my recurrence continues to work. For the time being, the bone metastases are dormant and have certainly not spread to other organs, which increases my chances of survival. This is a great achievement for me, and one I am very proud of.
Thanks to the Foundation and scientific breakthroughs, I haven’t yet reached the finish line, and as you can imagine, I don’t want to reach it just yet… I want to live!
I’m grateful to be alive. I consider it a privilege to grow old
Caroline Houde